A Fear Of EVIL Pastries!
by Mage of Black Fire
Summary: Tidus wants to ask Yuna to the school dance, but the evil pastry may vaporize him if he does...(Ch. 2 HERE! yay!) Tidus and Seymour duel to the death?
1. Tidus and the Evil Vaproizing Pastry

Tidus woke up. He just had the weirdest dream: he was trapped inside a video game where evil muffins attacked and ate each other. "NO! NOT THE MUFFINS!" Tidus woke up screaming. He always had dreams where evil murderous pastry fiends attacked people. I must rid the world of evil pastries! Tidus thought, but first I must go to school.  
Tidus got dressed, battled the evil poptart during breakfast and went to school. He walked out the door and joined his best friend Wakka (a boy with really spiky red hair who always held a random basket ball at his side) at the bus stop. "Yo Wakka! Wassup!" Tidus called.  
"Hey Tidus!" Wakka answered, "Want part of my toaster pastry?"  
"AHHHH! Pastry!"  
"What's his problem!?" Aked Lulu, a girl with black hair tied in a pony tail and a black skirt and shirt.  
"Oh, he's pastriphobic." Wakka responded.  
When the bus finally did come, Wakka, Tidus and Lulu got on and joined their friend Rikku.  
"Hey Rikku, who's the new kid ya?" Asked Wakka.  
"Oh, hey guys, this is Yunie!"  
Tidus stared at the new girl Yuna. Wow...she's amazing Tidus thought, Together we could fight numerous pastries! Or I could ask her out...  
Don't you even dare! Said a voice in his mind.  
"AHHH! Whose that!" Tidus exclaimed.  
I am an evil big blue haired pastry named Seymour. If you ask Yuna to the dance I will instantly vaporize you!  
"AHHHH! Not vaporization...O_O" Tidus yelled.  
The bus arrived at school, and Tidus was beginning to consider asking Yuna to the dance...being vaporized was a small price to pay.  
"Hey Yuna...wanta go to the dance with me?"  
"Hell yea!" Yelled Yuna. "Wow...I just got asked out by the most popular kid in the school."  
"Actually, Tidus is the dorkiest kid in the school." Wakka commented as he walked up."  
"Dam!" Yuna yelled and stormed away.  
"Yea! I got a date with Yuna!" Tidus yelled.  
The night of the dance Tidus got dressed up in a tux and walked over to Yuna's house. On the way there he met an evil cat lady who threw random cats at him.  
Well, at least it's not an evil vaporizing pastry! Tidus thought.  
Tidus arrived at Yuna's house and knocked on the door. "Hey! Anyone there!?" He called.  
The door opened an inch and then instantly shut. A half a minute later the door swung open revealing an amazingly large muffin. "I am the evil muffin Seymour! I am here to vaporize you!"  
Tidus stared at the abnormally large muffin with huge hair. "Noooooooo!" He yelled as he was instantly vaporized by the large vaporizing guns that came out of the muffin's hair.  
"Thanks Seymour!" Yuna said as she came to the door and stared down at the pile of sand that was once Tidus.  
"Anytime!" Said the muffin...  
  
**Will Tidus ever become unvaporized and get over his fear of pastries!? Will This crazy story ever end?! Probably, because it's too stupid to continue (unless you bribe me WAHAHAHA!) Don't come back, because it'll only be more stupidity!** 


	2. Tidus Becomes a Biker Chick

After being vaporized by the evil muffin Seymour, Tidus was dead, well almost. The only thing that kept him alive was this thing called life support, which supported his life.  
Tidus was found by the old, hairy lady that cleaned Tidus' house. Using her super mole hair powers, she was able to send out her mole hair minions to rescue him. The mole hair minions found Tidus as a pile of dust in front of Yuna's house. Finding Tidus as a pile of dust scared the old lady, for she was also a huge body builder grandma, and his bodyguard. As soon as she found him she took him to the hospital...in the sky!  
The doctors said that the only way they could bring Tidus back was if they placed his brain into somebody else's body. After discussing this with the doctor, he told the grandma body builder and bodyguard: "All you have to do is pick a body for Tidus, it can be anything from an animal, to an actual human, but I suggest a muffin, they're very yummy!"  
So Grandma decided upon a muffin with the super abilities to convince people to convert to Buddhism, and make people constipated. Tidus's small brain was then converted into the fat, blueberry muffin's body.  
Five days later, Tidus woke up from his operation tired and constipated. After spending the rest of the week in a bathroom wallpapered with pastries, Tidus went out to thank his bodyguard grandma.  
After saying "you're welcome" Grandma gave Tidus a piggy-back ride over to Wakka's house in Besaid. "Ya man! Yo! You're a muffin now, man?" Wakka asked as he answered the door for Tidus, "And why is my sister giving you a piggy-back ride man?" He asked while motioning to Grandma.  
"Your Sister? She's my big hairy mole body guard!" Tidus exclaimed. They both gasped to create an exciting atmosphere, and then walked into Wakka's hut.  
It took a while for Tidus to make it through Wakka's doorway, but after eating around the edges, Wakka finally got Tidus in. "Ya man! You taste good!" Wakka exclaimed at a freaked out Tidus. "I'll just pretend that never happened..." Tidus answered. "Whatevea man! Do what you want, but I'm gonna tell all the upper class men at school how yummy you are."  
Shrugging off Wakka's stupidity, the two young men settled down for pedicures and stories about girls they really like at school.  
While Tidus telling a giggling Wakka about the time he stuck his fingers up Yuna's nose, a shadow appeared in the doorway. Both Wakka and Tidus looked up to see the vaporizing muffin, Seymour towering over them!  
All three of them gasped to create yet another exciting moment, then Wakka and Tidus began to break out in song, "Muffin's are delicious muffins are great! I ate a muffin once and it made me LATE!" They concluded the song by grabbing Seymour by the arm and twirling him around in merry dance. They all clapped at the end, and Seymour's face grew serious once more.  
"I have come here to challenge you to a duel Yugi...I mean, Tidus MUFFIN MAN!!!"  
"It's time to duel!" Yelled Tidus while taking a pointy headband out of his pocket and sticking it on his muffin-shaped head, "I choose you! Pikachu!"  
"Not that kind of duel you moron! We're going to duel to the death! You and me, hand to hand combat!" Seymour cried out, sticking his hand out with his thumb up, like a hitch-hiker.  
After playing an intense game of thumb wresting, in which there was no victor, Seymour decided upon a new way of settling it, "okay, here it is, we eat a lot of McDonalds and grow really fat. Then, whoever dies of heart disease first loses!"  
"You're on!" Cried Tidus, tears streaming from his eyes from the intense pain he felt in his toe (that's another story).  
So every day, Tidus and Seymour ate at McDonalds and got very fat and greasy. After a month, they put aside their differences and became fast friends. Tidus had gained a big beer belly (Seymour already had one) which gave him idea, so one day he exclaimed, "I have an idea! We can become biker chicks...I mean, hunks and ride across the country! We can go to Mexico! We can grow long biker beards and braid them and put pretty bows and clips in them and put them in pony-tails!" Seymour agreed that that was a very good idea, and along with Wakka, they rode of into the smog of Mexico, just them, and Seymour's hair...  
  
The conclusion...or is it?! 


End file.
